You Might Not Be A Real Man – DRESS!
For God knows whatever fucking reason, men have been covering themselves more and more like women year after god damn year. Come to think about it, they’ve been fuckin’ actin’ like them too, which is why i keep having to make these god damn videos instead of spendin’ my days in a beach chair gettin’ random head from toothless skanks in mexico. If all that weren’t bad enough, apparently, there’s a slew of them out there that now want to be women as well. Great, why don’t you start by chaining bricks to your fucking ankles, cutting off your dicks and jumping off the highest god damn bridges you can find, allowing yourself to fully appreciate the oppression of the patriarchy, while simultaneously identifying with real penis envy and exercising your god damn right to choose, by taking your own worthless fucking life. That’s a feminist’s, art piece, movement tri-fecta if i’ve ever heard one. They’d write movies about that shit! “If you don’t fucking dress like a real man, you might not be a real man.”
Hey folks, john d., the armed comic here and thanks to the likes of the 60’s hippies, the 70’s pussies, the 80’s fashionistas, the lost motherfuckers of the 90’s, the doucebaggery of the 2000’s, the 2010’s faggots, a.k.a, men that actually look like fucking chicks, fagbama, the gayest leader any nation has ever seen, steve jobs, the most asexual industry titan the world has ever known, unless of course we count mark zuckerberg, men, alpha men, american real men, are fucking vanishing, which is all well and good if our collective goal is to disappear from the face of the god damn earth entirely. That might be ok, with you dress wearing but pirates, but it ain’t alright with me. My son still has to live in this shithole. Meanwhile, the rest of the world’s raising their sons to be fucking warriors instead of having twins day with their sisters, wearing what mommy thinks looks cute on their dates or letting their wives fem them up with some express for men. “If you ever fucking allow a woman to dress you, you might not be a real man.”
I get it, i get it, you wanna be comfortable, you don’t wanna have to think about it & you wanna get laid. The first two i’m fairly certain are still a thing, the last one, today, not so sure. Wanting to be comfortable and being prepared have never fucking met so cut the shit bitches. If you don’t even know what the fuck i’m talking about, there’s a whole god damn website i spent a billion hours of my life and a shit ton of my own money on to help you the fuck out, www.ratedarm.com, maybe you’ve heard of it? Get on that shit! As a man, wanting to not have to ponder is an exercise in god damn futility, because you’ll be spending the rest of your fucking life contemplating shit you don’t choose to so the sooner you get the fucking used to it, the easier it’ll be buttercup. And last but not least, a young man wanting to get laid used to be perfectly fucking natural, but then single moms, tap water, estrogen raising / testosterone lowering, pesticide riddled, food free, chemical sustenance, chemtrails, video games, ritalin, gender mixed classrooms that cater exclusively to females, girls this, women’s that and next thing you know, boys only worship whores online watching porn in between gaming sessions while their doting dunce mothers enable them to sit there 20 hours a god damn day accomplishing dick with their lives while she serves him chicken mcnuggets, cleans up after him and probably jerks him off to sleep in the very near god damn future so they can finally be the only one in some man’s life, only problem is, it’s her fucking son! What the fuck? “If comfort, rumination or a god damn handy by your mommy are part of your suit up, you might not be a real man.”
Instead of listening to most women whom by most accounts are always looking out for themselves, tellin’ ya how to dress, because they like it, wanna make you less attractive to their girlfriends or as 1 more god damn way to try to control you, allow a real man to help you out bit, because believe it or not, i’ve actually thought long and hard about this particular subject on my journey to become john d. And have some great fucking insight on the matter. As with everything else i say, don’t believe me, look the fuck around and decide for yourself. Do you want to look like an asskickin’, badass, real man or some metro, faggot, cocksucker who borrows his girlfriend’s eyeliner every time he steps out the door? If you answered the latter, get the fuck off my video! For the rest of you, here’s the quick and dirty real man’s wardrobe breakdown that any real man or one on his way can follow to always look like the guy who grabs em’ by the pussy, without going to jail for it and being appreciated, blown and fucked into utopia as a result, by poppin’ into her bored to death fucking life & introducing her to the christian grey that every whore wants to fuck at least once before they die. Fyi, i won’t be discussing outer wear, edc or accessories, just the basic, man up, clothing foundation every real man should wear every god damn day of his life. I’ll eventually make other videos coverin’ all that other shit, but this’ll have to do for now. “If you need a woman to influence anything you fucking wear,.you might not be a real man.”
Now let’s start with your underwear. They’re called under/wear, because that’s where the fuck they belong. Nobody on earth wants to see any part of or all of your gay ass sticking the fuck out, so put that shit away faggot. Banana hammocks, mesh, printed, logo’d horseshit won’t be tolerated either. Just who the fuck you think you are? A victoria’s secret lingerie model? If you can’t get a women while dressing like a man, maybe yo drawls is the least of your fucking worries homo. While we’re at it, men’s underwear should really only come in 1 color as far as i’m concerned which is black. If you eat the wrong thing, fall in a mud puddle or don’t want the brown showin’ on the floor of some arbitrary hoe’s place, black really is the best all-around option for any and all situations. “If your underwear are visible, fashionable or anyone can tell that you’ve shit yourself, you might not be a real man.”
Next we move on to the undershirt and yes a real man always fucking wears one to keep his concealed firearm from rubbing his god damn skin raw, getting sweat on it or in case his over shirt gets too fucking bloody or part or all of it needs to be used as a chloroform rag, wicking for a molotov cocktail or a god damn tourniquet. Hey! You never know! In any event, you’ll still have some cover on. If for any reason, you’re legally able to carry and choose not to, get the fuck off my channel! America, the founding fathers and i have no god damn use for the likes of you and your kind. With all that said, your undershirt should be either a black or white wife beater or t-shirt long enough to tuck in your pants or shorts, whichever works best for your setup. Yes, even if its fucking hot! You’re a man, you weren’t put here to be fucking comfortable, you were put here to be functional and the first utility a grown ass man serves is the protection of those around him not capable of defending themselves. The only reason i’d even consider white is because black tends to be itchy as fuck and anything that gets in the way of your tac up, is not fucking acceptable. “If showing off your shaved chest, pectoral muscles or thug life tattoo is more fucking important to you than basic god damn survival, you might not be a real man.”
Unless you’re currently fucking engaged in water sports and by that i mean actual h2o, you should have god damn socks on your feet which means you aren’t wearing fucking sandals or better yet jew striders with god damn socks on, whomever the fuck started that bullshit. These are crazy times we’re livin’ in and in the wise words of james yeager “your responsibility to be ready for the fight never ends.” You throw down in jesus joggers, someone’s liable to kick your big toenail backwards at the jump off. That’s what the fuck i’d do. You also need to be able to run, either to get away from shit or to pursue some like the motherfucker who just grabbed your kid at the mall or away from an explosion before the god damn building comes down or perhaps, to stop some fuckbag whose about to hurt somebody. Once again, you were born a man, therefore it’s your fucking job to act like one princess. Now that you got em’ on, make sure they’re not fucking colorful, striped, printed, cute, patterned, or white. That leaves us with black. They’re just gonna end up fucking black anyway, might as well just start there? In this case i’ll make an exception with white polish condoms in your boots because they’re way more god damn comfortable and if you have to be on your feet for long periods on patrol or some shit, alabaster’s definitely the way to go. One last thing, dream catchers can also be used as weapons, which i’ll also discuss in an upcoming edc video, but only if you’re fucking wearing them. “If you don’t wear fucking socks that look manly, worn out and shot in, you might not be a real man”.
Now it’s time to put your big boy pants on. That means no skinny anything, no rolled up horseshit, no ripped up, on fucking purpose, or on god damn accident either, buy a new fucking pair will ya? No sweat pants, no leather and no yoga pants. Jesus christ! I can’t fucking believe i have to say this shit. You faggots will wear anything as long as its labeled men’s. Hold on a sec, let me look somethin’ up. Holy fucking shit! Men’s bra’s are a thing? I can’t believe this shit! There is no fucking hope left for humanity! This is the kinda defecate that happens when the inmates are running the god damn asylum. We must put this fuckery to an end. We must bring sanity back to the masses, we must make men, all men, men again, instead of the cesspool of confused, mesbian, retards some of them appear to be headed towards. Even if you are a cocksucker, do ya have to fucking dress like one? You’re still a man god damnit, somewhat. You should still be a defender of the population and you can’t carry any survival gear in your nut stranglers. You can in black cargo pants, blue jeans and yes even black dress pants, but not in rest of the shit i mentioned a minute ago and even if you could no one would take you fucking seriously, so cut the crap already. If you can’t pick up women in jeans and a t-shirt, you ain’t got no game bitch. If she don’t want ya in street clothes, she won’t stay in anything. “If you need to get all dolled up just to get some pussy, you might not be a real man.”
Capri pants are not fucking shorts. Neither are above the knee, sack hugger, jorts. They shouldn’t be tight, rolled up, ripped up, on fucking purpose, or on god damn accident either, buy a new fucking pair? And not printed, designed or patterned bullshit either. What the fuck is wrong with all you bitches? Why don’t you spend less time trying to look different and actually fucking be different? Whomever said the clothes make the man, wasn’t talking about the eurofag, modern, metro, hipster, cocksuckers, douchebag, trendies runnin’ the streets of america today. Or maybe he was, since it was shakespeare so ya never really know. Point is and hear me out, cuz it’s fuckin’ brilliant. No straight man in the history of ever was getting dressed one day and thought to himself, this needs more color, flair, panache, because that’s not the kinda shit straight men fucking think about. If you believe you’re straight and these are the things keepin’ you up at night, you might wanna check your inner rectum, the small of your back or perhaps the back of your throat, because you may have misplaced another man’s semen there. Look, as long as they’re 1 color and that color is black, military green or brown, cargo style and belted with a fucking cincture on, you can’t go wrong. Pretty much anything else fucks up your edc and makes you look unsure about your sexuality, although i’m pretty certain about it. “If your shorts expose your balls, are so fucking tight the veins in your dick can be seen through them or are made out of god damn denim, you might not be a real man.”
Since we mentioned the strap, let’s talk about it for a minute. Right off the fucking bat there are only 2 acceptable colors on earth for a belt, black and or brown. On top of that, there are on 2 types a man should ever fucking wear, 1 color leather or 1 color cotton web and that 1 color is either fucking black and or god damn brown. One is for lookin’ nice, the other for kicking fuckin’ ass. If you can find a pigskin that helps with your edc, go for it. Now, you may be noticing a pattern here. Your entire fucking wardrobe needs to revolve wholly around edc, if it doesn’t, you’ve failed fucking miserably as a man. There are a million god damn things i’m not even mentioning here, in all categories of this list, because i’m saving them for another video, like gun belts, tourniquets, thunderwear, wicking, improvised weapons made with socks & belts, full length pants that convert to shorts with the simple opening of a zipper and on and on and fuckin’ on, but if you’re not even ready to dress like a real man, the rest of that shit might be a bit much for your gay ass at this point. In case you were wondering i’m currently wearing about 40 edc items myself, none of which you can see, none of which are uncomfortable and all of which would most likely allow me to walk the fuck out and over you in a fubar situation, while you lie on the ground bleeding to death. “If you never wear a belt, because you don’t even own one, maybe you should fucking borrow one and hang yourself with it, because might not be a real man.”
Ah yes, a real man’s shirt and what exactly does that look like? I’m glad you asked, cuz you’re fuckin’ lookin’ at it. This is a real man’s shirt. It’s black, amazingly stain resistant, long enough to cover my concealed carry weapon, 2 spare magazines, pocket knife and flashlight, it’s got chest pockets to store more edc gear, a pen holder on the left pocket, sleeves that can be rolled up and secured in place, never needs ironing, can be worn anywhere on any occasion and still be the best-looking god damn shirt in the room without drawing unnecessary attention to yourself. Not fancy enough, get a fuckin’ sport coat like a real man! A black one! But whatever you do, even if it’s a fucking t-shirt, don’t get printed statements or affliction fucking anything. I can’t believe people are still wearin’ that shit! I can’t believe they ever did! No cutesy, super hero, cartoon characters either, grow the fuck up! Unless it’s a picture of your own child that died in fucking combat, no! Even then! Stop trying to look like somethin’ and fuckin’ be somethin’. I wear everything i wear for a very specific set of reasons. A, i can comfortably carry about 40 edc tools. 2, i don’t want anyone thinkin’ fuckin’ with me is a good god damn idea. Dressing like a real man is half the fucking battle. Bronze, i can go anywhere on any fucking occasion and be big pimpin’ & delta, i purposely created an affordable look that any man, anywhere can copy, because a million john d.’s would be way fucking harder to stop than all of isis or the fucking un combined. Oh and one last thing before i forget, just go to ratedarm.com/store and see for yourself exactly how the shit we decide what to spend our hard-earned money on. “If your shirt can’t cover your edc, can’t be worn everywhere and looks completely fucking normal on a woman, you might not be a real man.”
It’s time to boot up and by that i’m talking about one of the manliest fuckin’ parts of your real man-semble. A good ol’ fashioned pair of god damn boots or shoes that would hurt like a bitch gettin’ kicked in the face with just as much. Not fuckin’ crocks, not espadrilles, high tops without socks or gay ass flip flops, unless of course you’re spending the night at your boyfriend’s house, then by all means. A man’s footwear should protect his feet first. From what you may be wondering? I don’t know, how about heavy shit droppin’ on em’ or standing water or dirt or screws and nails popping through those motherfuckers? How about slippery floors or the ability to run or fight in them? If none of that shit even crosses your mind when forkin’ over a bill for a brand new set of kicks, you clearly have more work to do than i gave you fuckin’ credit for. As far as color is concerned, once again, black and brown are the only acceptable options for a real man and whenever possible, leather should be your go to material for a million god damn reasons i could make a entire fuckin’ miniseries about. Are you starting to notice a pattern here? Now’s about the time when you mother, girlfriend or wife should be steppin’ in and tellin’ you, you look nice, turn this shit off, that guy’s an ugly asshole who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talkin’ about. In walks scarface. “in this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” And the best way to get money is to not fucking waste it in the first god damn place. When you buy a brand new set of cracker jordan’s you might as well set $200.00 dollars on fucking fire. “If yo shoes be hot, impress ya boys and can’t be worn to fuckin’ work, you might not be a real man.”
We’re in the home stretch now so let’s talk about jewelry, bling, ice, yeah, fuck all that shit. What are you a god damn rapper? Unless you consider standard issue military dog tags, a virtually indestructible black or silver timepiece or perhaps and maybe a sex tourniquet aka a wedding ring adornment, shut the fuck up! You wanna be a real man, serve your country?! If you’re too old, aren’t physically able or too much of a bitch, then serve those that serve this motherfucker for you. Maybe one of them will be kind enough to loan you a set of nuts and or some dt’s. Crosses are also a great choice seen as how you’re in a christian fuckin’ nation and all. Watches, as well as everything else fucking mentioned in this documentary, come in all price ranges, but do you really wanna be makin’ it fuckin’ rain on something as meaningless as a god damn chronometer when you could be stockpiling guns and ammo? Ok, ok, i get it, you’re rich as fuck and 100k don’t mean shit to you, but still, wouldn’t you rather have an aa12, an 82a1, an fn five-seven, m249 saw, an m134 or a trackingpoint m1400? Do you even have a fucking clue what i’m talkin’ about? If not, then you need more god damn help than this one broadcast will provide, but in the meantime, “If your need to fuckin’ shine outweighs christ , sacrifice and tactics, you might not be a real man!”
Last but not fuckin’ least, let’s end with headgear. Of all the articles of clothing that people sport to tell you what a fucking doucebag they are, it’s what they put on top of their domes that seems to be the most consequential. Like beanies, pussy hats, furries, flat bills, over the ears, trilbies or anything else that fucking screams, for the love of god will someone please look at me already? That also includes every skull bucket ever made and any other piece of cover that isn’t worn properly, aka, the fucking way it was designed. Have you ever once noticed, that no famous movie or tv hero aka real man image, to date wears anything incorrectly? And do you fuckin’ know why? It’s inefficient, draws unnecessary attention to yourself and may end up gettin’ yo ass shot. All because of how i hang my threads? Yes dumbass! But profilin’s illegal right? They still fuckin’ do it. Steroetypin’s illegal right? They still do that shit too! Guess why asshole, because it fucking works and as long as you give them reason too, it ain’t eva gonna stop. Oh, yeah, one last thing. Stop fucking grabbing the god damn bill of that bitch like it’s a fucking joystick, pointin’ your empty melon in the right direction. It ain’t cute, it ain’t hot, it ain’t sexy and you look like a fucking tool. I’m talkin’ to you shinedown! Oh yeah, black or brown! Why you even askin’ at this point? “If anything you wear makes you look even fucking dumber than we already assumed you were, you might not be a real man.”
This is John D. The ARMed Comic and if by chance you already happen to be a filthy rich, world famous rock star that’s already banged thousands of the most attractive women ever and you dress like this, by all means keep doin’ whatcha doin’, but for the rest of ya’ll wannabe’s bitches, try to dress like you might want a fucking job one day, cuz most of ya’ll are gonna die on one. The internet’s forever! If you feel the same, at least have the stones to like, comment, share and blast everyone you fucking know!
I mean it! I wanna hear what ya’ll have to say!
Guns up rebels!