All, Mission - posted on April 11, 2017 by

TOMI LAHREN IS A FUCKING FRAUD!

Tomi Lahren is a fucking fraud!  That’s right, I said it, someone had to say it.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’d still fuck the shit outta her, but how could you ever possibly fucking believe she was ever a true conservative unless of course your 24 years old, brand fucking new to conservatism or don’t know what the fuck someone reading someone else’s script off a God damn teleprompter looks like?  Obama!  I’ll tell you what the fuck it looks like, it looks exactly like every single fucking episode of final thoughts.  I knew the first time I ever laid eyes on her hot fuckin’ ass, took a few minutes to myself, made a pile of goo filled tissues and went right back to watching ConPorn.  Seriously, when was the last time in America history you saw a well-spoken, Gun totin, selfie twerkin’, shit talkin, mini skirt wearin’, sex kitten that knew what the fuck she was talkin’ about?  Fucking never!  And do you know why?  Because that’s a God damn unicorn and they don’t fucking exist.  If they did, I’d be fucking married!  Now don’t get me wrong, I’d still fuck the shit outta her, because if you’re not a liberal at 20, you have no heart and if you’re not a conservative at 40 you have no brain, thank you Winston, which also explains Megyn Kelly’s dumbass.  A Real Man never believes what comes out of a woman’s mouth, unless he fucking put it there!

As a radio, nightclub and mobile DJ for 25 years of my life and a pussy chasin’ real man for all the rest of it, I’ve been involuntarily ear fucked by thousands of women from all walks of life, who wanted to spend their night in the spotlight and best I can tell they’re all fuckin’ liberals.  Now don’t get me wrong, I still fucked the shit outta the hot ones, liberal or not, cuz well, when you look like me, you gotta get pussy wherever the fuck it comes from, but I’ve never actually met a truly conservative woman.  If I did, I’d be fucking married, but it’s not in their nature, because women, God I fucking hate always having to say the same shit, are different than men.  They do every God damn thing according to their fucking feelings, not facts, not logic and not history, which you already know are a pretty big fuckin’ deal to me and the Rated ARM lifestyle.  With Tomi, I loved everything that ever came out of her mouth, even though I didn’t put any of it in there, but I kept watching anyway.  That was my first fucking red flag.  Her shrill God damn voice and you go gurl attitude annoyed the fuck outta me, but I still kept watching.  That was my second fucking red flag.  And that girl really, really knew her shit!  Ahh fuck!  That’s it!  She’s a God damn fraud.  As soon as I stopped paying attention to her looks, the fact that she was saying everything I ever wanted to hear and started focusing on how the fuck does she know all this shit, I suddenly realized it was only a matter of God damn time before the real Tomi Lahren stood up introduced herself to the world.  I just didn’t think it would come in the form of promoting baby murder on the God damn View!  Fuck abortion and fuck that abortion of a show called the View!  “A Real Man always believes a woman, will say whatever the fuck gets her whatever the fuck she wants whether she believes any of it or not.”

I’ve been around a minute, long enough to not believe for one God damn second that this sideshow posing as the possible end to her career is remotely fucking real seeing as how the fakest fucking conservative in conservatism in the form of Glenn crybaby fucking Beck is behind it all, which leads me to believe in the following possible conclusions.  #1 Tomi decided she was too fucking big to stay with The Blaze, attracted to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood and wanted out of her shitty contract, so she could move on to bigger and better things and concocted a scheme to get fired, therefore freeing her up to work on the fucking View.  #2 Tomi’s a good reader and a terrible fucking thinker & finally #3 Tomi’s already planned her next career move and needed to be a free agent in order make that shit happen.  God willing, it will actually be ConPorn!  Holy Shit!  Can you imagine that?  Hot ass, God lovin’, gun totin, pro-America freaks, paying veterans to ram em’ in the ass, wearin’ American flag condoms while the star spangled banner played in the background?  I can dream can’t I?  I would watch that bitch on pay-per-view all day every day.  Shit, we could pay the national debt, build the fucking wall and end hunger with that 1 fucking idea.  Trump, you listenin’ to me mothafucka?  “A Real Man never objectifies women, ya’ll don’t need any of my fucking help to do that shit.”

Hey folks, this is John D. The ARMed Comic and I don’t really give a fuck what Tomi Lahren believes, just get her naked, give her a fucking flag and get her back on my God damn TV.  If you feel the same, please like, comment, share and blast everyone you fucking know!

Guns Up Rebels!