What’s with all this blaming the fucking children, blaming the Millennials, blaming Generation Z bullshit when every single fucking thought that’s ever come out of a kids mouth or empty fucking brain came directly from their parents or lack thereof? What about blaming the God damn parents? What about some personal fucking responsibility? What’s up with all this passing the fucking buck nonsense? Children, for the most part, and I mean like 99.999% of the fucking time, aren’t born insane, transgendered, confused, racist, stupid, pick-your-latest-trending-fucking-label, but as with everything else I say in all my writings, rantings & ravings, don’t fuckin’ believe me, just look the fuck around. You’ll never, ever, ever see a totally fucked up kid, come out of great set of parents, nor will you ever see a totally awesome kid come out of fucked up set of parents. Oh sure, you’ll see a fucked up kid come out of some parents, who claim to be fucking perfect in every way shape or form, by the media and the feelings-above-everyfuckingthingelse-my kids-and-I-are-best fucking-friends kindergarten society we now live in, but once your kid overdoses using the 2fucking K a month allowance you gave them for simply wiping their own asses, maybe then you’ll finally be able to see it, but probably fucking not. Oh sure, every now and again, like .001% of the time, the opposite does happen, however like everything else in the universe, the exception to the rule is so fucking rare, it might as well not fucking exist. “A Real Man never blames anyone, except the fuckeads that deserve it.”
“A Real Man always shows his son how proud he is of him, if and only if he fucking deserves it.” ~ John D. – The ARMed Comic
“A Real Man always understands your pain, and gives you as many fucking outlets for it as possible.” ~ John D. The ARMed Comic
These collective stories are all about slamming on the breaks to everything in my life, not going to prison for killing every single motherfucker that deserved it & getting my temper under control to raise you, my one and only son right & teach you everything I could possibly think of good or bad.
Havin’ kids is a bitch. It’s like slammin’ the fucking breaks on every hope, dream & aspiration you’ve ever had in your entire life, simultaneously, unless of course you’re like most women and having kids was your only & every hope, dream & aspiration you’ve ever fucking had since the second you came out of the last woman with the exact same original fucking epiphany, but for A Real Man who intends on being fucking present for his child’s childhood, or someone with a sincere desire to accomplish something truly unique, unlike bringing another 18 year contractual obligation into the world, like say, inventing electricity, writing one of the greatest books in the history of mankind or building an empire from scratch, it’s like hitting a fucking brick wall with your face at a 100 miles per hour on a fucking bicycle, which could have easily been avoided entirely by simply tapping the brakes, unlike getting a woman pregnant which unfortunately, there are no brakes for, only propellants and accelerants to the tune of jet fuel and C4 and most rational people would opt out of plowing teeth first into cinder block. Oh sure, you can wear a condom or cum in her mouth, as long as she doesn’t poke a fuckin’ hole in that bitch or spit the contents out through a fucking Krazy Straw, directly into her own gash. She can even be on birth control, if she fuckin’ takes it. She could give you a hand job in a parking lot behind a convenience store on a warm sunny day, just make sure to cut off her fucking hand once she’s done. As far as I know there are only 3 possible ways not to get a girl pregnant in America today. A, never fucking meet her, 2, never, ever let her touch your dick and Charlie, fuck her exclusively in the ass, never allowing her grab your pecker except with the inside of her sphincter, using a condom, spermicide and flushing her out with a God damn fire hose when you’re done and finally, but most importantly get a fucking vasectomy now boy! “A Real Man always uses birth control, by shooting his fucking loads in the back of their throats and watching them fucking swallow it.”
Alcoholic, Lazy, Selfish, Greedy, Soulless, Prick, yeah that’s my father.
Someone’s always watching, someone’s always keeping score. It fuckin’ cracks me up that my father, the very person responsible for teaching me that fuckin’ lesson is the one who’ll suffer the most from it, but I guess if he would’ve thought it through, or thought anything through for that matter, he might not have taught me that particular lesson in the first god damn place. Good thing he didn’t because I never knew while growing up that I would ever feel this way about him since I used to think he was fuckin’ superman, but the older I got, the more I saw, he was always, just a man, a man with a shit ton of flaws who wasn’t remotely interested in fixing any of them. It used to bother the shit outta me, as a boy, but I grew the fuck up and now I’m eternally grateful for all of them, because they made me the man I’ve become and served as a constant reminder that’s helped me mold the man that I pray to God I am making out of my son every day. “A Real Man always works on his flaws, even if you’re the fuckin’ flaw.”