Now I don’t normally start one of my sets off with a quote, but in this case its fucking warranted, because I’m trying to show some God damn respect to all the Real Men out there watching my shit, yeah, all three of ya’ll. “A Real Man never tells another man how to act, he issues him the fucking man-ual.”
As the only Pro-God, Pro-Gun, Pro-America comedian on the scene, that I can find anyway, I feel it’s my God damn obligation to do everything in my power to fucking annihilate, Hollywood, The Mainstream media & Obama’s man-hating shadow Government as objectively as fucking possible and being a miserably unknown comic makes it much fucking easier than being an A list entertainer, since they’re all fucking cocksucksers or a useless God damn talking heads, since their all bought and fucking paid for or a career politician since their all fucking corrupt to their soulless God damn cores. Unlike all of them, I’m not beholden to anyone, that I know of anyway, unless you count all the banning, censoring fuckwads like Gargle YouTard and Fakebook, but myself and my own personal, lifetime acquired knowledge, experience and views of the world which means regardless of whatever movies, songs or books I consume, I can still hate the fucking pricks that made them.
Regardless of where the I get my news from, I can still distinguish it from the fake fucking bullshit narrative being peddled on the streets to the lowest information voters and I highly fucking suggest, you learn to do the God damn same. Regardless of who I voted for, I don’t have to agree or disagree with a single fucking decision they ever made or continue to make. It’s called independent fucking thought, you should try it sometime or simply try just looking the fuck around for a minute instead of deep throating all the bowel splatter shoveled your way. “A Real Man always wants to be accepted for who really is, actually he doesn’t give a single fuck about that.”
I’m a Christian, but that doesn’t mean I want every other belief system banned, the women and children raped and slaughtered, that’s what the fuck the religion of peace is for. I love guns, but that doesn’t mean I wanna slip on a set of beats, crank up some Drowning Pool, walkin’ down the streets of Dearborn filming a prequel to The Purge, that’s what the fuck the KKK is for or at least it used to be, not sure what the fuck their up to nowadays. And last but certainly not least, I love America, but that doesn’t mean I want every other country wiped off the God damn map, that’s what the fuck North Korea’s for. Can’t we all just get along? No, we fucking can’t, because you Anti-God, Anti-America, Anti-Real Man cocksuckers won’t stop stirin up the fucking hornets’ nest. Keep it up bitches and you’re gonna end up face down in a puddle of your own piss, shit, blood & spent fucking shell casings. “A Real Man always practices live and let live, as long as you keep your fucking foot off my thoat.”
THE 3 TENETS OF THE RATED ARM MANIFESTO
Hey Folks, John D. – The ARMed Comic here and according to the billion God damn hours of research I’ve spent deciphering what makes someone Rated American Real Man material or Rated ARM for short, I arrived at 3 main tenets of our Manifesto, God, Country and Self, because you have to focus all your attention and energy on all 3 simultaneously in that order which ain’t gonna be fuckin easy, because like me, you’re most likely completely fucking engulfed by jellyfish with little to no faith, floundering fucking patriotism and a serious lack of personal God damn accountability. Oh sure they talk a good game, but runnin’ your fucking trap is the easiest thing in the world for anyone to ever do and doesn’t require any actual fucking action which is why most women and men that act like most women do just fucking that. Stop bein’ a bitch and get your fake ass to fucking work and literally be the motherfucker you tell everyone you are.
But what do I do John D.? You find a code, you live by the code and you fucking die by the code and to save your lazy, sorry, bitch asses some time and to make sure you actually fucking do it, I’ve made this little video for you that you can watch every God damn day for the rest of your life until you don’t fucking need it anymore. And for those of you watching it that already don’t need it, we both know that you know at least a hundred other motherfuckers that do, so please save me some God damn time and the world a shit ton of aggravation and just send this historical, factual, fucking logic bomb to them or tag them without saying anything else if you truly want to live in a better America for all of us. “A Real man just wants to help, and if I happen to make you laugh your fucking balls off at the same time, so be it.”
I’ve been fortunate enough to have personally witnessed enough miracles in my lifetime 1st hand not to ever need to give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about my relationship with God. I never cared that much to begin with, but after all the crap I’m talkin’ bout, seriously, go fuck yourself! For those of you unaware of the revelations of your being, I’m here to tell ya, they probably happened and you just fucking missed them, because you were either drunk, high, in some pussy or drunk & high in some pussy and that goes for you too ladies. Hey, it happens, but it’s never too late, you just have to unlearn the nonsensical fucking law of seeing is believing that you’ve had bashed into your fucking cranium since labor and start living by the believing is seeing mantra.
Just like landing your first piece of ass, graduating from high school, getting your first great job and on and on and fucking on, once you see it in your mind, feel it in your sack and work your fucking dick off to obtain, it’s just a matter of time and believe me it’s worth it. Knowing why you were put here is about the coolest fucking thing anyone can ever discover, especially when you actually do something about it once you figure it the fuck out. In case you were wondering, God put me here, to run my fucking mouth, defending those who won’t, get you to think about things in ways you never thought of before, lead by example and inspire yo black ass to take some fucking action. That’s my superpower, so that’s what the fuck I’m gonna do. “A Real Man always believes in God and doesn’t give 2 shits what you believe.”
But what will I be flappin’ my fuckin’ gums about and how does that help America? Glad you asked, the same shit I always run my trap about, women and men that fucking act like women since that’s the not for public consumption way of saying A Real Man, men want him beside them, women want him inside them. It helps America and all of mankind, because at the moment America is weak, weaker than she’s been since her inception, because women are weak and through the use of feminaziism, have made our men weak, which in turn leaves our children weak, which is completely out of fucking balance & the total God damn opposite of the way in which God created and intended it. That’s why it’s so fucking important to believe in HIM in the first God damn place. It’s a great yardstick to measure everything else against.
If A Real Man were meant to fuck other men, there’d be no use whatsofuckingever for women, if A Real Man were meant to be soft, passive, little bitches, they wouldn’t be physically, mentally & spiritually bigger, tougher and stronger than women and if A Real Man were meant to be writers for fucking Hallmark, they’d wear God damn tampons, go to tears whenever telling any personal story and have a conscience which they conceptually fucking don’t, until you bitches spend every waking God damn moment of your lives nagging us to fucking death about how we need to be more like the person you want everyone to believe you are. Fuck you! The next time you see A Real Man demanding women be more like them, buy a God damn lottery ticket. Most of you cunts don’t have one either, you just fucking lie about it and every fucking thing else.
You’re supposed to be nurturers, while we are supposed to be warriors and feeling sorry for everyone in every God damn circumstance no matter how the fuck they got there makes being a soldier fucking impossible which gets us to #2 of the 3 tenets of the Rated ARM Manifesto. “A Real Man always serves his country and violently slaughters every single motherfucker who tries to harm her and uploads the video if at all possible.”
Wow! You’re such a fucking asshole. Why do you think being a mean & nasty prick, is the path to being A Real Man? I didn’t say that, you did, pay fucking attention dunce. What’s wrong with you, what happened to you as a child, why are you so bitter? Does any of this horseshit sound familiar to anyone else? If not, guess what faggot? A Real Man knows himself, controls himself and doesn’t need to validate himself to anyone on earth except for God. He doesn’t need to hug it out, have a good cry or seek God damn therapy. Let me see if I can simplify this for you bleeders. If you’re a woman or a spineless faggot who’s never once had to defend anyone else, even from fights that you fucking started, you won’t understand so just shut the fuck up. If you’re a narcissistic bitch who spends every waking moment looking for validation from others based on your looks, your possessions or who you portray yourself to be to the world instead of figuring out how to help us all live a better tomorrow, you won’t understand so shut the fuck up.
If your entire fucking life has always been about you, how to get what you want, by any means necessary, you won’t understand so shut the fuck up. A Real Man doesn’t do any of that tomfuckery and he also doesn’t have any time for any God damn distractions like fake fucking people, non-fucking problems posing as the end of the God damn world and all the fucking drama bullshit. He’s more concerned with the here and now, keeping an eye on what really matters and constantly training his mind, body and soul for a fight that may never come. “A Real Man always takes care of himself, so he can take care of everyfuckingone else.”
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
Alright that’s it, that covers the three main tenets of the Rated ARM Manifesto, a super duper condensed fucking version of the following lengthy ass motherfucker and if you made it past all that shit, there is hope for you yet, so let’s get right into it staring with the 10 Commandments, re-written in modern day language by A Real Man for you simpleton fucks that misunderstand every single God damn thing that’s not drafted in emoji’s, meme’s and hashtags.
#1. “A Real Man always believes in God, science is not a fucking God.” If you can’t even manage to imagine that there’s a superior being somewhere out there, then there’s no fucking hope for you so please kill yourself, by yourself, immediately. Science cannot fucking explain everything and it has been proven wrong as many times as its been proven right. I’m sorry Father Murphy touched you in your dark place, but bad men and their actions don’t erase all the miracles of history swirling the fuck around you 24/7. Look up asswipe. There’s way too much perfection everywhere to blame it entirely on something as simple as a God damn explosion. When was the last time you saw a perfect detonation that made everything around it better ya dumb motherfuckers?
#2. “A Real Man never curses God, God damn you, is not cursing God dipshit.” When did this obsession with curse words first come into effect? Once again, all words are fucking made up and God damn make believe anyway so deeming one bad while another good is just fucking stupid and silly and a God damn waste of motherfucking time. See what I just did there? I used “fowl” language to make something funny. If you didn’t find it so, maybe you’re an overly sensitive, fucking crybaby, twat that should kill yourself and spare us all from your eternal God damn victimhood.
#3. “A Real Man always honors God on Sunday, he needs to after what the fuck he did on Friday & Saturday.” If you didn’t do anything on the 2 days leading up to the sabbath that you need penance for on Sunday, maybe it’s time to step up your fucking game, because you’re one boring sonofabitch and it’s no wonder no one likes you. Seriously, this preoccupation with appearing like a fucking saint to everyone around you, all-the-while doin’ the dirty dirty on the downlow is what’s fucking everything up for all of us. No one on earth could possible live up to model of perfection you try to convince us all that you are, not even you, so fucking stop it asshole. Get out there! Live a little, be fucking real, be human & make bad decision on purpose every now and again. Just make sure no one that doesn’t deserve it dies in the process and if possible, those that do, do, just don’t do it on fucking Sunday. See? Was that so God damn hard?
#4. “A Real Man always respects his mother and father, if and only if they fucking deserve it.” You may have had great God damn parents and if you did, I’m happy for you. I on the other hand had the two most selfish, useless, fucking shithead progenitors alive and therefore can’t subscribe to the whole worship useless motherfuckers who never wanted you and never did shit with or for you model just because they happen to get drunk and or high and fuck one night. Fuck that shit! Something good did come out all of it though. I learned exactly what not to do as a parent and basically did the exact fucking opposite of everything they ever did and as a result have a wonderful relationship with my son, so at least one of us got to have a decent childhood. Do I need therapy? No, I’m good. They on the other hand keep reaching out, trying to establish some kind of relationship since they have one foot in the grave and wanna go up instead of down.
Fuck off! You can’t pick your relatives, but you can damn sure decide who the fuck you spend your time with and I ain’t about to rekindle my childhood memories with those fucking absentee ballots.
#5. “A Real Man never kills anyone, that doesn’t have it fuckin’ comin’.” There’s a huge God damn difference between killing and murdering and although the 10 Commandments are quite fucking clear on murder, nowhere do they say you can’t kill a motherfucker. That’s why I’m here, to point these things out. The devil’s in the details and he’s also in fucking murder, but that sombitch ain’t nowhere to be seen when it comes to straight killin’, because some motherfuckers just need to be kilt and all these bible thumpin’ carnies claimin’ to know the word of God, be above everything and better than everyone are usually telling you, not to do shit that they themselves have already done are about to do or wish they had the fuckin’ balls to do. I personally don’t give a shit what the law says, if you try to murder me, I’m killin’ yo ass. If you try to murder someone I care about I’m killin’ yo ass.
If you try to murder someone in my presence and I don’t want them dead, I’m killin’ yo ass and unless you train every single week of your life for a moment you pray to God never fuckin’ happens like I do, I will more than likely kill yo ass before you even know what the fuck hit you, so calm the fuck down Poop Kitten.
#6. “A Real Man never cheats on his wife, he invites her to fucking join him.” I know at first this sounds awful, but knowing what I know about men, well, straight men who don’t play God damn video games all fucking day and night, it’s really the only logical line of defense they have. Like Chris Rock said, a man’s only as faithful as his options, no more, no less. If no one’s throwin’ pussy at him, it’s a hell of lot easier to turn that shit down. As a radio, nightclub & mobile DJ for 25 years, bringing my wife into the mix instead of trying to backdoor some random skank saved my ass more times that I care to admit. What is it with you bitches and taken men? Don’t cheat whatever you do if it’s at all fucking possible to avoid, but if you must do it, then you have to bring the wife along for the ride. Someone’s gotta hold the fuckin’ camera.
#7. “A Real Man never steals, from the rightful fucking owner.” In spite of what women, the law and Obama’s man-hating shadow Government think, taking anything you didn’t fucking pay for from someone who did, even if he’s your brother, boyfriend or husband is just fucking wrong and you deserve to suffer the God damn consequences of your fucking actions. Unfortunately, the powers that be tend to disagree or at least don’t fucking reprimand you in any way, shape or form if you do it, which fucking sucks ass. I don’t know about you, but I work my fucking nuts off for every dollar I make and having to just stand by and watch someone rip me off while looking me square in the eyes and flipping me off only makes me want to slide a nice hot blade along their fucking thoat repeatedly until their fucking top pops off their God damn torso.
How did it ever become ok to take what’s not rightfully yours from anyone and when the fuck can we finally get back to an eye for an eye? At the very least, we should be able to take our shit back while ending you in the process. That might bring all this fucking bullshit to a halt that much quicker.
#8. “A Real Man never makes things up, he makes shit happen.” Men! Ya gotta stop fuckin’ lyin’, that’s what the fuck God made women for. Ya’ll never be as good at it as they are so why even fucking bother? Don’t exaggerate, you bank accounts, your dick size or your stamina level. Just do something special and stand out with that, no matter how fucking lame whatever the fuck it is, is! Think Steve Jobs, John Holmes or Jim Thorpe. Be those guys in whatever it is the fuck you do, but don’t claim to be like those motherfuckers if you ain’t. And if you ain’t and you wanna be, get your fuckin’ ass movin’! Pick something, anything and be the best there ever fucking was at it that anyone’s ever seen like John D. and talkin’ shit about bein’ A Real Man.
I didn’t choose to be this fuckin’ awesome at it, it kinda just happened to me, because all my life I was surrounded by fucking assholes and since I wasn’t physically able to intimidate most of them with my size and looks alone, I verbally decimated them with my piercing observations, impeccable timing and razor wire wit. Oh, and it didn’t hurt that most people think I’m fucking crazy. That shit goes a long way. You can do it!
#9. “A Real Man never fucks another man’s wife, unless he’s there filming it.” This should really go without saying, but sticking your dick in another man’s property without his blessing really isn’t cool. I mean seriously, it worse than stealing and you already know where the fuck I stand on that shit. Pilfering the inside of a nice warm pussy should be a capital fucking offense considering how much wasted time, energy and money was spent entertaining, obtaining & maintaining that bitch to begin with. Then all of a sudden, you come along and just drop some baby batter off in the oven like it’s no big deal. You should have your fucking balls stuffed down your windpipe for shit like that. People are more uninhibited today then probably since the fall of the Roman Empire and getting joint authorization to pour some of your molten lava in the front or rear cavern of some random can’t be that fucking difficult. Hell my ugly ass has been asked at least 3 times that I can remember, so what’s your fucking excuse? Oh yeah, you’re not a fuckin’ Real Man. Bitch!
#10. “A Real Man never takes what another man has, he gets his own shit!” – Ah yes the last and final Commandment kinda sounds like #’s 7 & 9 in case they didn’t make it fucking clear enough already or just because 10 of them would seem a bit more official and easier to remember than 9 or ll. Hell, I don’t know. I do know this though, Commandment # 10 is the very fucking definition of capitalism, proof that God is white, a man and not a fucking democrat and here’s why. The loudest, most obnoxious fucking voices in America don’t tell you to work your ass off to get what you want, they tell you to steal it from the white man. A white man would never say shit like that, he’d just tell you to just make the people work for you.
This same God also doesn’t want you stealing from another man, and most women in America constantly fucking brag about all the sucka’s they cleaned out. And finally, God wants you to make your own shit happen. There’s no need to take it from someone else like some God damn Government handout, welfare system designed to suck any and all ambition away from certain segments of the population to keep the plantation slaves voting for the jackasses. And that my friends and mortal enemies alike is A Real Man’s interpretation of 10 Commandments which sounds a lot like some sort of groundwork for Americas founding documents and that’s because it fucking is. See if you notice any similarities.
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
The Declaration of Independence, oh how I love this magnificent fucking document, let me count the ways. Turns out the declarations aren’t actually numbered, but there are 10 of them. Hmmm. Now where have I seen that before? Ok, I’ll just list them, or list what I believe they would say if they were creating them today seeing how sideways everything’s fucking going at the moment, but that’s what we’re here for. I’m here to say this shit and you’re here to share this shit with motherfuckers that need to hear this shit. What the fucks you waitin’ for?
“A Real Man always pays close attention to everything that’s happening around him and makes swift fucking changes whenever necessary.” Call it situational awareness, not ingesting one God damn morsel of Mainstream media fake fucking news or just looking the fuck around you to see if life truly matches the mountain of God damn lies being stuffed up your ass day in day out. Call it whatever the fuck you want, but A Real Man defines his life experiences from his actual God damn life experiences. What a fucking concept. He doesn’t walk around with his head buried in a fucking smart phone, he doesn’t watch shitcrap CNN and he doesn’t stand still while imminent danger approaches.
He keeps his head up, scanning from side to side, looking for any possible problems, he watches, listens too and reads information from various credible sources that actually fucking match what’s really going on in the world and he keeps his ass moving either to attack or evade, but he keeps fucking moving.
“A Real Man always believes that all men are created equal and that most men just fucking waste it.” This ones gonna piss off a lot people, but fuck em’, I’m not here to powder your balls, I’m here to tell you how I see it. It doesn’t matter if you’re black, see the NBA, BET or Comedy Central. It doesn’t matter if you’re a female, see modeling, porn or school teachers. It doesn’t matter if your gay, transgender or just fucking confused, see Hollywood, the fashion and music industries. All that fucking matters is that you do whatever you can wherever you’re at with whatever the fuck you’ve got. Now that doesn’t guaranty that you’ll ever fucking get there, that you’re the best there is, nor that you fucking deserve it.
I’ve been killing myself on Rated ARM for 10 fucking years now and I ain’t nowhere, in spite of the fact that I’m manlier, funnier, realer, more honest, historically & factually accurate than anyone else in America, but then again I look like this, life’s a bitch, then you marry one so suck it up buttercup.
“A Real Man always believes that no man can take away his God given rights, unless he himself wants to be taken the fuck away.” Now this right here is a particularly sore fucking subject for me, mostly because I’ve personally suffered the wrath of the arrogance of a Government that believes it has God damn dominion over another man and therefore the authority to interfere in his God given rights in any way shape or fucking form which is God damn ludacris. I have a hard fucking time just wrapping my head around that one and I aim to bring that shit bucket to a violent fuckin’ halt. I first realized all this when I got divorced, therefore losing any and all say in my son’s life, followed by losing my driver’s license, followed by their constant fucking threats looming over me and the fact that my wife could do whatever the fuck she wanted without any God damn recourse whatsoever.
I’m sorry, but I’m only ok with getting fucked in the ass if you’re fucking her in the ass as well. No wait, not even then. Get the fuck outta my God given rights motherfuckers. If you couldn’t take away my ability to ride my own fucking horse to work a hundred years ago because of a financial hardship I had nothing to fucking do with, you can’t take my fucking driver’s license away for the same fucking reason today, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe if we move America as far away from God as humanly fucking possible, maybe then I’ll only have rights that the Government gives me and none that God gave me. That way my rights can be taken the fuck away whenever they want. Fuck that and fuck you to death motherfuckers!
“A Real Man always believes in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, and slaughtering every single motherfucker who gets in his way.” Life, spiritually, logically and scientifically begins at conception, not whenever the fuck you feel like it for the sake of your particular nonsensical argument. God knows it, The founding fathers knew it, anyone with a fucking brain in their head knows it. With that being said each of us should have the opportunity to give it a go regardless of whether we were unfortunate enough to be the result of another poor fucking choice made by some crack whore with 6 other chilins, by 7 different baby daddies or the spoiled fucking princesses who can’t stop doin’ blow and takin’ cock after cock, like the supply is runnin’ out or stupid fucking bitches in general that simply see abortion as a mere inconvenience to going out tonight.
What the fuck is wrong with ya’ll? We were born free just like Kid Rock says. Regardless of what the NAACP, Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson would have you believe, we were not born in fucking chains. None of us were, not even those niggas. And it’s quite fucking possible to break free of them, but it ain’t fucking easy. The system’s been hacked by wardens that want to control our every waking fucking move. Whether it be a baseless fucking criminal record, debt or some other sort of responsibility or another, we’re often serving life fucking sentences in maximum security prisons of our own God damn creation. Break the fuck out, figure out anything else you’d rather be doing and pour your life’s God damn blood into that bitch so that maybe one day if your extremely fucking lucky, you can get to a place that makes you happy.
But if anyone or anything tries to get in your way to stop you from fulfilling your destiny, you must take it or them the fuck out at all fucking cost. You were put here to make, break or fix something only you can, so get your ass to fucking work.
“A Real Man always believes that the Government is here to serve him or be taken the fuck out.” Somewhere along the way, our Government has forgotten all about We The People so I say we fucking remind them. As a child while gettin’ my ass beat on the regular by packs of niggers in the bused in public-school system, my own God damn Government inundated me with white fucking guilt, all the wonders of the third world shithole known as Africa and all of the unconscionable behavior of our founding fathers. So let me get this straight, the fastest, freest, most opportunistic place on the globe is also the worst fucking spot imaginable founded entirely by raping, murderous, thieves. Ok, I call bullshit. My childhood city was overrun by foreign God damn murderers that my own fucking Government invited to flood the streets of Miami.
The country I swore to serve in military uniform, was overrun with reverse racist, lazy assed niggers that made me pay for the sins of all white men, which I never fucking committed. Then that same God damn Children & Family services Government overrun with even more reverse racist, man-hating niggers buried its head so far up my fucking ass once I got divorced with child that I could the taste their God damn head lice & dandruff with every fucking breathe. Yeah go fuck yourself Government. Get your indoctrination bullshit the fuck outta our school system, get your social justice bullshit off of our fucking streets and your God damn affirmative action bullshit out of our military. Stop fucking meddling in the free market of ideas. Rigging the game in favor of the lowest common denominator doesn’t fucking help anyone including the LCD.
The cream always rises to the top unless it’s being fucking robbed at every God damn intersection and if you don’t cut the shit, your shit will be cut! I fucking promise you!
“A Real Man always keeps track of everything the Government does and reminds them of the second fucking amendment at every possible opportunity.” Would those of you that have been walking around with your fucking heads buried in the sand kindly pull it the fuck out of your ass and look the fuck around. America is under God damn siege and enemies foreign aren’t a fucking pimple on the ass of what the domestic pricks are doing to us. America needs a full time, lifetime babysitter in the form of we the people. Just as the president of a company has to keep his eyes on his minions, because most motherfuckers will rob you blind the second they think they can get away with some shit, our Government spends every waking moment stealing from us with the point of view, “whatta they gonna do”? I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do.
We’re gonna crank up some Bodies motherfuckers. There’s a reason our forefather guaranteed us the second amendment and that was to keep all you useless fucking assholes in line. It’s time to take this country back, with extreme God damn prejudice if necessary. It’s time to keep track of every single fucking thing these cocksuckers do on our behalf and call them out on their bullshit every single fucking time they do anything that we the people did not fucking ask for, did not fucking support and don’t want anything to fucking do with. Let’s wear these shitheads the fuck out and when they start getting lippy and go against us, we rise up, fucking bury them online, on their phones, in email, on the streets, outside their offices, homes & kids schools tacked up and ready for fucking war.
“A Real Man always believes that every man should be free or fucking dead.” I never understood this whole death row nonsense and I never fucking will. If you did something bad enough to serve a life God damn sentence, I’m sorry, I don’t recall volunteering to pay to keep your worthless fucking ass alive for another 60 years. Fuck that shit! If you murder someone, you fucking die. If you attempt to murder someone and only injur them because you’re an inept fuck, you fucking die and if you plan to murder someone and your plan goes to shit because you’re an inept fuck, you fucking die. You know, we could just skip right past the whole 41 Federal Capital Offenses and replace the whole God damn thing with you murder, you fucking die motherfucker. When I’m President that’s how shits gonna be. Fuck your feelings 2020!
“A Real Man always believes in total independence, so get off your lazy fucking ass and take care of your shit.” If you’re not physically or mentally God damn disabled and you have your hand out, I’d like to cut that motherfucker off and feed it to you. This country wasn’t built by lethargic losers sitting around watching everyone else do shit. There once was a time where if you weren’t pulling your own weight, you were shamed into suicide and God damnit, I think it’s high time that shit come back. What about you makes you so fucking special that someone else is required to carry your ass across the finish line? Nothin’ bitch, so get off your fucking ass and make something of yourself.
Do your fucking school work, get a fucking job, get a better fucking job, don’t have God damn kids until you can fucking take care of them, take care of yourself along the way too so that you can take care of others or please for the love of God, just fucking kill yourself. We really don’t need any more useless fucks running around in the world.
“A Real Man always asks God for his protection, but has no problem killin’ pieces of shit himself in case God happens to be busy at the moment.” I don’t know about you, but I speak to God on a daily basis, even hourly sometimes depending on how shits going and it helps a lot. It helps me and it helps you. Hell, that’s what he’s there for, to listen without judgement, unlike the 2 assholes that unfriended me for posting up funny meme’s on Easter. Fuck those motherfuckers! You don’t think God has a sense of humor? Have you met women? It takes a lot out of me to be John D.. The PC police, family, friends, everyone else want me to keep my opinions to myself, in spite of the fact that most people I talk to feel the exact same fucking way, they just think they have too much to lose to speak up where I think, we have too much to lose to not fucking speak up.
Someone’s gotta say this shit, but speakin’ up’s a dangerous business in America today, because there’s a bunch a crazy motherfuckers out there, but God has protected me more times than I can possibly remember in my lifetime and I have been training for the crazies for years so I should be aight!
“A Real Man always shares his life, his fortune and his honor with all other real fuckin’ men.” In the me, me, fucking me world that we now live in, this one’s gonna be a bit hard for some of you to swallow, but I didn’t write the Declaration Of Independence, I’m just interpreting it in the funniest fucking way I know how so that hopefully people that don’t know any God damn history or those that are bored to fucking death by it, might actually check out this video and learn a little sumpin’ sumpin’. Getting to the top of the mountain by yourself is kinda fucking pointless. With that being said, you should take those in your life that fucking deserve it with you wherever the fuck you go. Don’t take errbody, just yo real ass niggas. If you get into a good school, get a good job, find a good mate, whatever the fuck, celebrate that shit with those that inspired you, helped you or supported you along the way.
Fuck everybody else! Don’t be a greedy prick. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone, it’s meant to be shared. Make sure your circle is brimming with only good people, get rid of all the shitheads and make sure you leave something behind worth leaving other than your rancid fucking corpse. Hopefully the Declaration of Independence makes a bit more sense to you now, you have a stronger connection to it you finally understand why America is so fucking badass! If not, then listen to this shit about the Constitution and The Bill of Rights!.
CONSTITUTION – BILL OF RIGHTS
The Constitution & The Bill Of Rights, also known as the documented, witnessed and signed blueprint to the greatest single achievement in the history of all mankind, but in order to truly understand and appreciate this fucking masterpiece, you have to understand the times they were written in and exactly what the wordsmiths were going through when they crafted them, based on what they and their ancestors had already fucking survived and hoped to fucking avoid for future generations. History people, I’ll never stop talking about it, because it’s that God damn important.
#1. “A Real Man always believes in everyone’s freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and protest, but that doesn’t mean he won’t knock you the fuck out.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I believe everybody and I do mean everybody should have the right to say whatever the fuck they want, even straight, white, men like me. If the Black Panthers wanna cheer “oink oink, bang bang”, I got no fuckin’ problem with that. If the KKK wanna cheer “White Power”, I got no fuckin’ problem with that either, but the second either side starts violence towards the other, kill em’ all, let God sort em;’ out. Whether you believe in The Bible, The Koran or nothin’ at all, I don’t give a fuck. The moment you weaponize your religion, kill em’ all, let God sort em’ out. You wanna ask the hard questions no problem, you wanna expose the truth, no problem.
You wanna make shit up, kill em’ all let God sort em’ out. You wanna get together and bellyache, I got no fucking problem with that either. You wanna attack people and destroy property, kill em’ all let God sort em’ out. As far as I’m concerned as soon as you cross the violence line, fuck you and that goes for all fucking sides.
#2 “A Real Man always believes in the right to bear arms and killing your bitch ass if you ever try to take that right away.” Our natural rights to defend ourselves don’t come from man, laws or fucking Governments. They are inalienable, granted to us, at conception, by our creator and protected by our Government, but just in case those fucking bastards forget, all us God Fearin’, Gun Totin’, Flag Wavin’, Red Blooded Americans & Veterans will have no God damn problem reminding them, fucking permanently. We’ve done it before, we’ll do it again!
#3 “A Real Man never allows a soldier to spend the night in his house, unless she’s hot as fuck, out of uniform and fucking him good and hard.” This ain’t China, North Korea or Iraq motherfuckers. Ya’ll want in, ya’ll better knock, be polite as hell, hot as shit and ready to fuck or you’ll end up shot dead on the front porch, dragged inside, wood chippered out back and fed to the fuckin’ hogs.
#4 “A Real Man never has anything to hide in his house and even if he did, it wouldn’t be any of your God damn business anyway.” Like I just fuckin’ said, this is America bitches! I don’t give a fuck what you want, if you ain’t got a search warrant, fuck off and die and even if you do, you better have a good God damn reason, you better find what the fuck you came for and you better not plant no shit either, that’s what my cameras are for. And if you find anything you didn’t come lookin’ for, you best mind your own God damn business or you might not be leavin’ this bitch on your feet maggot food!
#5 “A Real Man never breaks the law, but even if you think he did, he ain’t fuckin’ helpin’ you prove it so you better have your God damn facts straight or prepare to get your asses handed to you.” Not that facts, witnesses or any evidence that a crime has even taken place in America matter anymore to the accusers, the Mainstream media and what’s left of our judicial system, because they’ve all long since forgotten about innocent until proven guilty, but ya’ll motherfuckers are about to be God damn reminded. You can’t just keep rapin’ model citizens one after another and not expect any bad shit to ever happen to you cocksuckers, because it will.
#6 “A Real Man never goes to trial, but if he does, you better make it fucking quick and he better see a room full of motherfuckers just like himself including the prick that put him there!” If on the off chance yo black ass does end up gettin’ arrested, they best get on with the case that they gave you right the fuck away, cuz you got shitz to do, like gettin’ back to work, payin’ da rent and fuckin’ your ol lady before I do. There best also be some similar niggas in da house. Granted if you’s a big skrong brotha and the jury consists of nothin’ but white bitches with jungle fever, you proly be aight, but the mothafucka that snitched best have his black ass there too.
#7 “A Real Man never sues anyone or gets sued by anyone, but if it does happen, whatever the fuck the jury says, stands.” Life was so much fucking better when we could just knock motherfuckers out for bein’ fuckin’ assholes, but now everyone’s got a God damn attorney and they run they fuckin’ mouth like they indestructible. They may very well be, but they ain’t fuckin’ bullet proof. However, in the event that you do end up gettin’ sued or suin’ someone else, once the shits over, move the fuck on.
#8 “A Real Man never needs to get out of jail, but if he does, he won’t be homeless or missing a fucking eyeball when he does.” I don’t know when going to the clink became a life ending God damn event in this country, probably about the same time attorneys got balls deep into everything, but when I finally end up there, I best have all the pieces of my anatomy I went in with including the inner lining of my sphincter when I finally get the fuck out or your ass will be missing some fucking pieces too motherfuckers.
#9 “A Real Man always knows his rights and his right to get more fucking rights if necessary.” As you may have already figured out due to some deductive reasoning and me always losing my fucking shit in every single rant, rights are pretty God damn important to me especially since God gave me all of them and man somehow feels compelled to take them all away, so its seriously fucking important to know all of them and know how to get more of them and never, ever stop working on keeping all of them. Fuck man! My money’s on big G! Yay yay!
#10 “A Real Man always lives in a state with the least amount of Government meddling possible or changes that bitch to stop fuckin’ with everyone.” California, go fuck yourself! New York, go fuck yourself! Any place or person in America that doesn’t strictly adhere to the Constitution, fuck off an die motherfuckers! There’s not 1 single legislator, judge or appointee alive today that has a fucking cunt hairs worth of combined wisdom of our founding fathers so stop trying to improve God damn perfection and get on the historical, factual, logical train already before it’s too late for your sorry fuckin’ asses, because your bullshit will never be forgotten or forgiven.
This is John D. The ARMed Comic and “A Real Man always does everything in his power to simplify things, make them memorable and entertaining as fuck using history, facts and logic.” If you feel the same, please like, comment, share and blast everyone you fucking know!
Guns up Rebels!