So, father’s day I woke up with absolutely zero fucking desire whatsoever to record a God damn video, then I got online. Happy father’s day, Happy father’s day, Happy father’s day. Oh shit, I totally forgot! And do you wanna know why? Because my shoulda pulled out sooner was a worthless piece of dog shit who never put anyone or anything before himself, including his own God damn children. Where the fuck’s that Hallmark card? I’ll tell you were, it’s right fucking here. Dad, go fuck yourself! Dad, eat a dick! Dad, I fucking hate you! Ok, ok, maybe that’s a bit strong, especially since it requires giving a shit and if I’ve taught you anything here at Rated ARM, it’s that he who cares most, loses. My predecessor, who’s already got one foot in the fucking grave and attemptin’ a last-ditch effort to get into heaven at the constant fucking prodding of my equally useless God damn mother doesn’t give a shit, never did and never will. So the best way to get past something that fucking painful, in my opinion, is to either kill him, although that has some pretty shitty consequences, get a God damn DeLorean, but where the fuck are you gonna find one of those on such short notice or the most feasible of all plans,.give no fucks. It’s actually a lot easier than movies, songs & books would have you believe and like every other part of being A Real Man, it’s gonna take some fuckin’ training. “A Real Man always makes a man out of himself, since his useless God damn sperm donor didn’t.”
Hey Folks, John D. The ARMed Comic here and I’d like to send a very special shout out to all the Real Men out there who made it on their own, because like me, they didn’t have a fucking choice. Father’s day’s not a day to feel bad, loss or sadness. It’s a day to celebrate! Jubilate motherfuckin’ Survivors day! So Happy Survivors Day to all of you who had to learn all by yourself how to become A Real Man. Believe me, I know it wasn’t fuckin’ easy, but someone had to do it. I also know some of you may have had mothers that picked up all of the slack left from the empty God damn void that daddy left behind when he abandoned your little ass, was always out with the boys or just worked too fuckin’ much to ever be a part of your life, but I’m here to tell ya, A, there’s no fucking excuse, B, it’s not your fault, it never was and never will be and C, stop listenin’ to all the kumbaya, fairytale, bitches around you tellin’ you to forgive and forget. Forget, no sweat, forvive fux dat! It’s better for the both of you to just let him die knowing full well what a useless, semen shootin’ shitbag he really was than to assist him in the clearing of his conscious now that he’s too fuckin’ old to do anything about it. “A Real Man never holds a grudge, let that sorry motherfucker die in misery reliving all the moments that never even cross your mind.”
I once made a really great video called A Real Man Defines 10 Things Every Boy Should Really Know About Being Men. It’s on our YouTube channel and our website and once you watch it, you’ll definitely be able to tell if growing up without a father around fucked you up or not. My monies on yes! If you were lucky enough to have had one and he was worth a shit and made an effort, you could have learned the following, 1000 times faster than it fuckin’ took you without him and that’s assuming you’ve already picked them up. As a boy, your pops should have watched and even facilitated you to Discover & Explore: That is to learn new things, try them out, fail horrifically and then figure out how to succeed on your own. “A Real Man always depends on himself, since that’s how the fuck he’ll spend most of his life.”
The next skillset baby daddy could have taught yo ass would’ve been to Build & Destroy: That is learning how to raise and fucking annihilate blocks, sandcastles & army men. Do not, I repeat, do fucking not ever listen to any of the women in your life telling you that violence is never the answer. If you don’t believe me, call any one of them an ugly, worthless, cunt just for experiments sake and see how the fuck they react. I’m betting the hypocrisy train will immediately jump the God damn tracks and you’ll get knocked the fuck out! “A Real Man never calls a woman names, unless that ugly, worthless, cunt is fucking asking for it.”
Now motherfucker, think about it, should’ve moved on to Care & Kill. He first gets you non-gay, non-fiction, non-fucking colorful, manly ass, stuffed God damn animals, like lions, tigers and bears, then moves your ass up to live pets, then teaches you how to hunt, shoot and fish. If he’d started in reverse order, there’d be a crapload of children & family services investigators shittin’ all over his fourth amendment rights and a lot of God damn cotton to pick up as well. Not like that. “A Real Man always teaches his son how to love and murder, because one day you might have to fucking wack the one you worship.”
Once you get a little older, the lessons get a little harder. If papa were here, it’d be a fuckin’ breeze, but he ain’t so this is gonna felate. A lot! Learning how to Compete & Lose are no easy feat, especially if you suck at both. In spite of what most women and all Social Justice retards have indoctrinated you to believe, in real life, there are no God damn participation trophies, no one gives a fuck about second place and losing guzzles ass and the more you do it, the worse it fucking feels. Its God damn demoralizing, especially if you’re actually trying, but ya see, that’s exactly where your fucking things up. Winners don’t try, winners fucking do. Giving more shitty effort to something you already blow at, doesn’t get you the W. Perfecting what the fuck you’re doing, does and that shit takes time. So get to fucking work! “A Real Man never allows a lack of training to keep him from getting what the fuck he wants especially his knob polished.”
Here’s where shit gets real. No matter what the fuck you’ve heard, everything in life is a God damn game. You can either accept it or get the fuck off the field. Once you succumb to that brutal truth, you need to figure out what the fucking rules are in order to be victorious in the chess match known as Attract & Repel. What does that even mean? Simple. In order to have a fulfilling life worth writing about, the old man, needs to school you in the arts of properly acquiring and discarding, friends, women & opportunities and contrary to what most women will say, both skills are equally God damn important. When your “best friend” stabs you in the back, beat the shit out of him, on video, when your girl cheats on you, fuck her sister in the ass, on video & when your job don’t match the shit they talked in the interview, deuces up motherfuckers, on video. “A Real Man always appreciates everything he has, unless it needs to be shitcanned.”
The last leg of your adolescence is gonna take more effort on your part than anything else I’ve mentioned thus far. It’s time for left it in too long to mentor your ass on the balancing act of Working & Relaxing, because there’s a time and a place for both and at least 8 hours per God damn day on one of them, ain’t a fuckin’ option, even if you were born rich. Keeping money’s fuckin’ harder than makin’ it! You’re gonna need to do chores, graduate and get a fucking job and the level of exuberance you display for all three, will most likely determine the quality and quantity of Netflix and chill you’ll be able to afford yourself for rest of your God damn life. “A Real Man never unwinds, until he’s left everything he fuckin’ has on the battlefield.”
Now that you’re a man yourself, get ready to get kicked in the fucking nuts over and over and fucking over again, because nobody on planet earth gives a flyin’ fuck about you, your problems or your excuses anymore. Not your friends, not your family and definitely not your God damn government. You’re on your own buddy, so ya best get fuckin’ used to it. You do anything socially unacceptable, your peeps will bail on you at a moment’s fucking notice no matter what dirt you have on those pricks. You get divorced, your wife gets all the friends, the entire family & everything fucking else, hand delivered to her on a silver God damned platter, all courtesy of all the lawyers you paid for with your theft taxation blackmail, to fuck you so deep and hard in the ass, you’ll never shit right again. “A Real Man always tells it like it is, so get ready to man the fuck up bitch.”
Lesson #1 positive paternity should’ve instilled in you is the difference between Maintaining and Ignoring every God damn thing in your can’t catch a fucking minute of peace male existence. Proficiency in these 2 areas are a matter of life and God damn death. Yours! If you can’t prioritize how much attention to give to your job, your wealth and your relationships, your shit is screwed before it ever began. If there’s anything that’s caused the demise of more good men, I don’t know what that fuck is. You need to be psychic enough to give your boss sufficient effort to believe that you care, but not so much that you’re not keeping an eye open for the next advancement or promotion, where the fuck you’re at or somewhere else. Then you need to give everyone else in your fucking circle enough attention to feel like that you give a shit, but not so much that you’re all up under them, all while keepin’ the all too real possibility of everything you’ve ever fucking worked for bein’ stolen in an instant because some cocky asshole UPS driver told your wife she looked good in some mediocre dress that you never even noticed while delivering another case of lace panties you’ve never fucking seen from Amazon. “A Real Man never gets destroyed by life biggest problems, by getting a fucking pre-nup, working his balls off, taking his woman on at least 1 date per week and fucking the shit out of her whether she likes it or not!”
Lesson #2 that Cat’s in the Cradle needs to beat into your fucking skull is the fortitude to Improve or Ruin whatever deserves either at any given God damn moment in your life. Whether it be your career, your passions or your interactions with anyone that matters, the actual grit required to defile any one of them for the greater good is absolutely fucking imperative to being A Real Man, because A Real Man’s life is all about time. It’s the only thing of real value any of us have to give and spending it on shit that makes you happy while simultaneously taking it away from the crap that won’t, all while keepin’ everyone else satiated enough to shut the fuck up, is a gift that can only be mastered through careful observation, immediate action and continuous fucking adjustments. Hey, if being A Real Man were easy, God would have made you a woman. “A Real Man always keeps his eyes on the prize and fucking eradicates everything that gets in his way.”
And last but not fuckin’ least, Lesson #3 Padre is most God damn required to pass along is the difference between Exceling & Existing. I talk about this every single opportunity I get. Any man, not on a mission is fucking doomed. There are so many ways in which that one thing helps you, that I could write a fucking bible on just that one subject and once you’ve gone through all the processes I’ve mentioned in this video, there’s nothing left except your Lifestyle, Community and Legacy and either your constant and never-ending improvement or total fucking lack of action will determine how all that shit turns out. You can have everything you want in life, you just can’t have it all at the same God damn time which is why life’s a journey, not a destination, so that you can eventually arrive at greatness, but you’ll have to go through the incompetence fucking minefield to get there and if you’d had a father with you along the way, you could’ve gotten through it much fucking faster and a little less busted up. Fortunately for you, I’ve created RatedARM.com and all our social media outlets to help you kick fucking ass in life. “A Real Man never abandons those that follow behind him, no matter how much God damn work it is.”
This is John D. The ARMed Comic and I sincerely fucking hope that all you abandoned, bastard, Maury Povich guests have a great fucking Survivors day, today and every day. If you feel the same, have the balls to like, comment, share and blast everyone you fucking know!
Guns up Rebels!